Do you dread it as much as I do ?
New Years resolutions, bucket lists, ambitious goals and lofty dreams.
The mere thought of it all makes me feel pressurized and resentful.
I know it’s weird ( please tell me I’m not alone ) I actually dread new year, I feel the angst rising as I peruse Facebook.
I stop, switch off my mobile device and reflect. What is causing such an extreme reaction in me this year.
Have I had a bad 2016?
No, not at all. In fact I can not recall a more peace-filled year – personally ( I’m not talking globally)
So why the apprehension ?
I love planning, I plan my plans, I have to do lists of the plans I’m going to make. I have several note books for all my different plans.
I mind map, I use different colour markers, and gel pens, and every new piece of stationary TYPO launches.
And that’s the problem, right there.
I blink , and a day, month, year has gone by and I have wonderful, colour coded plans.
And little else.
I spend so much time and energy on the planning, I seldom get to the actual doing ….
I get stuck in my planning ( and procrastinating)
Oh curse the procrastination!
So I reflect, and in my attempt at living an examined life I realize that focusing on not having items to cross off or tick on a list is robbing me of something:
The observance of all the unplanned things I had no idea to plan or prepare for.
I never planned to be content with the simple life I now have, no striving, and driving, stressing and searching. They were all on my list, along with ambition, and recognition and acceptance.
I never planned to overcome my fear of authority, I never planned to speak up, and address issues that troubled me directly, not once, twice but thrice ( practice makes perfect )
And I never planned to love spontaneity; to make plans, and then have the freedom to adjust, or even ignore them, without guilt or condemnation.
So where does that leave me on the brink of 2017?
Probably in a similar place as last new year, with resolutions that won’t make it past Valentine’s Day, and a new found appreciation and gratitude of the unplanned.
PS. I’m going to take the advice of the fortune cookie – ” you will take a chance in the near future” and not make too many plans
I’ll let you know how it goes…